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Of all the challenges that school brings for students and their parents, one of the most unwelcome and worrying is bullying.
Bullying starts as early as first grade and peaks in middle school. About 1 in 5 students report being bullied each year, and figuring out how to respond is difficult. A parent’s first impulse—whether to fly into a rage and call the bully’s parents or dismiss the whole thing as “kid stuff”—is not necessarily the right path.
There is new understanding of bullying as a complex, multifarious problem that doesn’t lend itself to one-size-fits-all responses. Educators and psychologists are placing more emphasis on teaching students coping skills, encouraging children to tell adults when they’re bullied, and having parents work with teachers and school administrators to resolve problems.
Many children avoid telling their parents because they’re afraid Mom or Dad will contact the bully or the bully’s parents, sparking further embarrassment and retaliation, research shows. Most children who are bullied don’t report it to their teachers either, according to a National Academy of Sciences report on preventing bullying, released in May.
For a child, asking a bully to stop is hard. He may fear—sometimes rightly—that it will lead to retaliation. Still, when the bullying isn’t severe, some children are able to stand up to bullies themselves, with a little coaching and encouragement. Solving the problem on his own can increase a child’s self-confidence.
– Sue Shellenbarger
Read more: When a Bully Targets Your Child
Unfortunately, the reality is that when some children do complain of bullying to their teacher or principal, they start to get blamed. This is an increasing problem – and yes – it is real. We need to address the fact that many of our teachers/principals are choosing not to deal with bullies. After all, it’s so much easier getting rid of one good child, instead of trying to deal with the child with real issues. In the meantime, children are being hurt and we need another avenue for this issue. Unfortunately, we cannot rely on staff being objective. What we need is another body of people that both students and parents (and teachers) can go to in order to deal with bullying. Expensive? yes, sure – but a life is more important than money – and i believe it’s doable. It’s not as if we don’t have the infrastructure or educated people to meet what is required. I believe that it is only through this avenue that we will really make progress with this issue. Any problem needs a neutral ground – the playground or classroom isn’t it!